I'm a lover of love who is addicted to Starbucks and goes through weekly phases of favorite foods. I'm a wifey to a firefighter and a dogmom to a grumpy Whippet. I love having lunch dates and dream of traveling the world.
Anybody else feel like everyone in the world is pregnant right now? I am so happy for all of these families and love all the new squishies that are coming into my world! But you guys, I’m crying at least once a week now when I see new announcements pop up.
That will never be me. I won’t get to have my own fun little announcement photo session or decorate a nursery or pose with a bump in every photo I get.
Growing up and through my adulthood, I always flip flopped between wanting kids and not. I wasn’t sure that I was up to the responsibility and didn’t know that I’d ever be with someone who made me want to raise children together.
Even since being married, I’ve went back and forth. Some days I’m glad I don’t have kids, other days I really wish I had a couple in this stage of my life.
But for the past handful of months, I’ve been on medication that makes having children not only difficult, but life threatening. My doctor flat out told me if I get pregnant, that baby will not survive. And for the past year, she’s made it very clear that because of my condition, being pregnant and having children will be ten times more difficult and taxing on me than it would be normally. And I could cause my body systems some major permanent damage just from being pregnant.
Funny how you don’t care about something too much until you’re told you can’t have it.
I don’t say this to be a Debbie Downer or to get pity or sympathy. I say it because it’s real life. Not just for me, but for many others too. I’m don’t like hearing people ask me when I’m going to have kids or tell me “it’s fun, you should try it sometime!” Most days I can brush it off, I know they don’t mean anything by it- and honestly, people don’t really know what I’m dealing with medically, so I don’t take offense to it.
So until the day when it’s the perfect time to have kids, I’ll continue to be happy for the ones who can, the ones who want to, and the ones who let me squish their beebs whenever I want 🙂
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